Saturday, May 1, 2010

My Ice Skating Boy

Just a Little Venting...

Sometimes life just makes me wanna SCREAM!! All of my life I have wanted to be a RN. So why can't I just do it already?? Well.. I love being a nurse but the whole point of nursing school was to get my RN, not just my LPN. That wasn't ever part of the plan. But it's harder than you think, I know that I could do it if all I had to do was just sit home and study my guts out. I just want so bad to be a good wife and a good mommy. But it's something that is a constant struggle. I would love to be the wife that could wake up in the morning and do some laundry and vacuum the house all before the Land even woke up. Instead, I'm zombie mommy/wife most of the time. Working full time nights are really kicking my butt. I've been trying so hard to wake up with my boys and help get Landon off to preschool and then go to the gym with Bretto. But, getting up at 9 am after working till 6 in the morning is just not doing it for me. It makes me feel like I've just been hit by a train or something. It really is my own fault. Bretto is so good about letting me know that it's ok to get some normal sleep. But it really is SO hard to sleep when you know that Brett is getting Landon all ready for preschool, taking him there, hitting the gym, picking Land up, and doing a whole bunch of house work while I just lie there and sleep. It makes me feel HORRIBLE! Useless really. I try and get in a few hours of studying in while I'm at work but the only thing that does is make me incredibly tired. I try and study while I'm at home with Land, and that makes me feel like I'm neglecting him. Oh and studying while Brett is home is even harder! I know he only works for 48 hrs and then has 96 off..but I work some of those days and I just wanna spend time with the guy, believe it or not. AHHHHH! My whole entire life is like on freeze until I get this beast done. I just need to buck up and deal. I know it will be like a thousand pounds lifted off my shoulders, but it's hard gaining that strength to get it off. I know Brett and Land will still be there and are not going anywhere, but it's hard, I don't wanna miss a thing!